What?

I still can't believe Heath L. is gone. I went and read some reports about it and people's comments. Some people have a lot more compassion and respect for him than some other people. Obviously those were American reports and the people knew him and the Hollywood scene. Most of them talked about the movies he did before Brokeback, I think because Brokeback was so famous, saying their favourite film of his is that would not really convey how much they loved him and appreciated his talent. But it was after watching Brokeback that I noticed him and found him to be a great actor. I love the movie and the only reason I don't say it's one of my favourite movies is because I don't really like the beginning parts on the mountain.. I don't mind it happening, I just don't like to watch it. If you understood what that meant. Anyway, I respect guys who are not homophobic and stand up for them. (Which is why I love Chuck and Larry.) Anyone who says the movie is "disgusting", in the words of my totally-ignorant and narrow-minded guy colleague (who is actually a good guy despite that), is simply a moron.

There are millions of people who deserves to die more than he. I can think of several now. Why are so many people dying? Oh I dreamt of yet another person dying yesterday. How...consistent. But it was some anonymous person I didn't know. The other side must be a better place. It has to be. Life is so over-rated. Maybe people are more enlightened at the other side. So the enlightened ones go over sooner. Such a pity. He was a great actor and would have been greater. It's like he was climbing up the ladder, almost reaching and then *poof* he disappeared. He didn't even fall. He just vanished. Did I mention I still can't believe it? At least Anita M. and Leslie C. had already sort of reached the top and enjoyed the view for a while. They just managed to evade the journey to oblivion. Which other actor can you think of who is young, damn good looking, talented, really nice and cute (character), really can act, acts for the craft, etc etc.. I think the most important thing here is young. Because there are other talented actors out there but few as young as he. (And so cute..) I did watch his past works - A Knight's Tale, Four Feathers, The Patriot.. Was he ever criticised? I don't remember reading any of that. 'Cos I do like his films. And he is so cute. (Was that inappropriate?)


Now, why do people like to think they know me? Do you even know what I like? What I like. It's easy to know what I love or hate because I shout about it. If you don't even know those then you obviously don't care to know. Do you even know what I watch? What I listen to? What I read? So how come you think you know me very well? I don't understand. What I can't stand is people who think they know me better than I know myself. I hate my family therefore I am childish and immature. Like I'm not the one living EVERY MINUTE OF MY FUCKING LIFE. Shouldn't my saying very little sometimes make you think that you don't know what is happening with me? Just because I don't open my mouth to talk doesn't mean I have nothing to say, doesn't mean nothing is going on in my head or my life. Do I need to SHOUT AND SCREAM about every detail of my life? I agree that there are people so clueless others know them better than they know themselves. But I am NOT one of them.

The other day somebody was telling me how lost she was feeling etc etc and then I was going to say she's making me depressed too and then she sent me a link to a clip about this really cute and I guess amusing small car. Right. Why do I even bother? I'm not you and you're not me. Now if everybody remembers that I'M NOT LIKE YOU and you stop thinking that I'm like you or that you know me so well, then this world will be more tolerable. Of course you do know some things about me and I know some things about you. But we should all remember we don't know everything about anything.






This pic reminds me of the Joker - Heath L.'s role in The Dark Knight.
The Yew is associated with immortality, renewal, regeneration, everlasting life, rebirth, transformation and access to the Otherworld and our ancestors. You can read about them here.

I was going to have a happy post today because my Shinedown CDs arrived yesterday. And then I saw on CNA on the bus after work that Heath L. died. I was so stunned. The last two nights I had dreamt that two extended family members died. (One on each night.) The first one I woke up in the middle of the night and cried. I think there's only one person I would cry for. And then I went to work and my eyes were so itchy and then I got a cold and these people kept coming into my office and talking SO LOUDLY and they were talking so much I just wanted to shove them all out the door. That was yesterday. Second dream was just disturbing. And then this happened today. I pray and I hope that these are not signs. I pray and I hope that something is not happening, I pray and I hope that something never happens. Why are so many people dying? In reality or otherwise.

I thought I knew some things. I guess I know but... Maybe I'm the only one who knows. ...I need an anonymous blog.

January 14

Today I did not feel sleepy at all. What a miracle! Ha..

In the first week of January I called my dental clinic to make an appointment for cleaning and the receptionist told me the next available slot is on June 14. June?? Your next available date is June?? Because I knew that dental clinic is quite "hot" and I half-expected to not be able to get an appointment before Chinese New Year. So I actually did believe that they were fully booked till June 14. My incredulous tone of June?? was not disbelief at her words but at the fact they were so incredibly "hot" that they were fully booked for a whole half year. Anyway, the receptionist was puzzled at my incredulous tone, probably was thinking why my reaction was so exaggerated (ha..), and then thought about what she just said and finally (after a couple seconds) realised what she just said. "Oh, sorry sorry I mean January 14. Haha.. Sorry I mixed up. Haha.. Our next available slot is January 14..." Anyway I chose a date nearer to CNY so I don't erm need to maintain for too long. Ha..

Eh, the new show on Ch8 now very sad.. It was very funny and interesting at the beginning but now it's super sad. I wonder how long this series is supposed to be. This is the only role of F.Chin that I like. She must really like this role a lot because people were always saying she's very pretty in the first, what, 10 episodes, every single episode. Ha.. At least this role is quite interesting. And others too.. Ok I don't really like to talk about Chinese shows but I like this one.


These are the water babies jiejie gave me last year.. I got bored with them rather quickly. =P

Christmas is (finally) over..

I don't feel like changing my blogskin.. Cos I'm very nua and I like the layout here. And the "stars" in the black background.And got space to put song lyrics and whatnot here. But it's very Christmasy (to me at least) and Chistmas is over le. All 12 days of it. But it's still winter and snow season somewhere else in the world, so I dont't care, I'm just leaving it as it is. =P

Don't really have anything to write except that French classes have started again.. But the class is much smaller so I'm a bit sian. I'm wondering if I'm very anti-social. When I went in, two new girls were sitting at one side, next to each other, and a guy from the previous class was sitting at the opposite side. I went and sat at my old place, which was a few seats away from the guy. The guy previously sat at the back of the class, i.e. perpendicular to the sides. The next two people who came in sat beside me. And I was wondering why people sat so close to me. Was I supposed to sit beside that first guy? Oops. Anyway another girl came in and filled in the hole so there were no gaps between people. Am I anti-social? I thought it's normal to leave some space..

I was a bit sian in class because we had to introduce ourselves again. I hate introducing myself. As in supposed to write and say stuff about ourselves in French. Was trying to think of more interesting things to say, other than the usual bore.. I said I was wearing black shirt black jeans ('cos we learned colours and clothes before) and that I like black. Ha.. Bo liao..

Two people from the previous class didn't turn up. I wonder who they are.. I hope it's the more interesting people. =P As in people who talk more in class. Just because I'm quiet in class doesn't mean I like the class to be quiet.. Chris always "apologises" for being too loud/talking too much. I wonder why. Long time ago, had lunch at her place with her bro and mum and obviously they were talking amongst themselves so I kept quiet. And then the bro said either they were too loud or I was too quiet. Ahem. Your family talking, what you want me to say? And I didn't want to say anything rude in front of the mother so basically I couldn't say anything. Haha..

Ok enough for today. Will try to write more, so my English will not deteriorate...

Happy New Year! And it's still Christmas..

Eh actually I very nua to blog. =P But very long never blog le so crap a bit here. Damn, what a nua start to a new year. Been playing Harvest Moon on my PSP a Lot. It's an extremely lame game.. But it's very long and I want to know how it ends so I've been spending a lot of time on it.

Mind block...

Survivor: China ended liao.. So sad.. I'm always sad when Survivor ends, even though I do want to know who wins it in the end. Sort of miss those people after watching them for so long.. But I think most people don't look better after putting on weight and make-up in the Reunion show. Ha.. Wonder when's the next Survivor airing here. Would have missed the show more if not for Christmas distractions..

I'm still extremely sian. Hai..